


Inferiority Soulmate

by Anonymous



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, NHEV, No Happy Ending Fest, Park Chanyeol Has Commitment Issues, Possibly Unrequited Love, Rejection, Sehun is confused all the time, Slice of Life, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29333550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “In order for me to love you, I need to heal myself” he said, yet he disappeared right after he said that. Sehun doesn’t know whether to be sad or pissed that his soulmate has just left him hanging like this.
Relationships: Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** R5-023  
>  **Prompt:** Soulmates AU: Chanyeol is Sehun's soulmate, and yet, for some reason, he doesn't love Sehun back.  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol  
>  **Side Characters(if any):** Byun Baekhyun, Do Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin  
>  **Word Count:** 20.6k  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s):** Commitment Issues, Mentions of Self Doubt, Mentions of Insecurity  
>  **Author's note:** Hi! First of all, I would like to thank the prompter who submitted this prompt! It's my first full length story so I kinda struggled a little while writing this but thank God I manage to finish it. I'm sorry if it wasn't what you're expecting the story to be but I hope you'll still enjoy it nevertheless hehe.
> 
> I would also like to thank E,C,L&D for always patiently listening to my endless whine while I wrote as I doubt I could finish this. Thank you for always calming me down and even checking for some mistakes on the story huhu I know I wouldn't make it if it's not because of all of your supports. <3
> 
> Another massive thanks to the Mods for patiently dealing with me and always so kind and understanding to me and all of the participants. Thank you for your hard work, Mods!
> 
> And lastly, I want to thank myself for not giving this up (yes, guys self love is important lol) and I want to thank YOU for checking this story and giving it a chance to read! Hehe. Please excuse if there's (m)any grammatical errors or typos! Hope you enjoy~!

**_“Nights are the hardest. But I'll be okay._ **

**_If we are meant to be, Hey, we'll find our way._ **

**_But now, let it be 'cause you know what they say._ **

**_If you love somebody, gotta set them free._ **

**_I love you but I'm letting go.”_ **

**_(I Love You But I’m Letting Go - Pamungkas)_ **

He’s been tossing and turning on his bed for hours but sleep seems to be refusing to visit him any sooner. Blasting off his playlist can’t even help him like usual. If anything, it feels like the songs are mocking him and his thoughts. 

“Ugh fuck this..” 

Giving up trying to sleep, he stares at the ceiling of his room and lets out a heavy sigh. He is wondering how a single word is able to make him overthink all night. Earlier today when he was having a meal, he heard something from the TV. He wasn’t sure what it was even about, but the moment he heard the word, he turned deaf to the rest of what the person on TV was saying. That one word has triggered him greatly.

_Soulmate._ He used to think that soulmates should be giving him a heart fluttering kind of feel, but it turns out he was all wrong. Or at least, in his case, the whole concept of soulmate was wrong. Letting out another sigh, he falls deep into his thoughts while his thumb absentmindedly brushing his soulmark.

He thought soulmates are supposed to stick together, spend every moment together until they grow old, laughing at silly jokes, sending corny texts to each other. There’ll be some ugly moments, bickering over small even the big things but they’d overcome it and after all the arguments comes the cuddles and kisses. It’s infatuating to be there for each other whenever they need it, being each other’s safe place, a shoulder whenever you need someone to lean on. It’s all full of love and happiness. A very beautiful concept. 

That was the reason why Sehun had been so excited waiting for his soulmate to come. He already had everything planned on his mind, how he was going to spend his life with his soulmate. Where they were going to live, how many pets they were going to have (he was sure his soulmate was a dog lover like him), or whether they were gonna have kids or not. He had imagined it all.

People say you will meet your soulmate at the age of 21, and good Lord, he did. But it’s not in the beautiful, poetic way he had imagined. If anything, it was painful for him, even after years later.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

_☘_

**_“This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_ **

**_I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home_ **

**_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_ **

**_I was enchanted to meet you”_ **

**_(Enchanted - Taylor Swift)_ **

It’s scorching hot and Sehun is downright pissed.

He had been waiting under the tree for 30 minutes and the person he had been waiting for still hadn’t shown up. He was contemplating whether to bail on their appointment or not when he suddenly saw his best friend leisurely walking with a white haired guy who was talking excitedly. Sehun got even sourer because how could his best friend look like he’s having fun talking to the guy when he made Sehun burn under the sun for more than 30 minutes?

“Sehun, hey! Have you been waiting for long?” Jongin enthusiastically ran to him.

“I don’t know, you tell me. What time did we promise to meet each other?” he answered while brushing his dampened pink hair. He had been sweating way too much while waiting.

“Aww dude, sorry.” Jongin bumped his shoulder against Sehun's. “I saw Chanyeol hyung on the way here and he’s going to the same festival we’re going to, so we ended up walking together.” 

Then suddenly he turned back again to Chanyeol. “By the way, hyung. Are you really going here by yourself? No girlfriend to accompany you?” Jongin asked Chanyeol teasingly.

“Ah no, no. I really went here by myself. I was originally planning to come here with one of my friends but he was uh... kinda busy, so, I guess I’m going solo tonight.” Chanyeol shrugged. 

“And no girlfriend, hyung?” Jongin still insisted teasingly. 

“What are you aiming for here huh, you brat?” Chanyeol then gave Jongin a playful deadlock, making Jongin laughed out loud.

Sehun’s mood turned even more sour than it already was. Remembering that his best friend was there too, Jongin then turned to him and even had the audacity to smile innocently at Sehun, as if he couldn’t see his friend’s irritated state.

“Could’ve just dragged him here instead of me though.” Sehun couldn’t help but grumbled.

“Ayeee c’mon now man let’s not get all sulky. I didn’t even know Hyung was going to attend this too.” Jongin grinned trying to persuade Sehun. He knew Sehun’s going to sulk any minute now. He honestly doesn't get how Sehun can look so scary and intimidating to other people but he went all whiny and childish whenever he’s with Jongin. 

The festival they were going to is a yearly music festival which also has some booth games, food courts and even a stand up comedy stage where people can watch before the main event starts. They didn’t usually attend it as both of them are either too busy or lazy to go but since Daniel Caesar was one of the guest stars, Jongin kept pestering Sehun for a year asking him to accompany him to attend it. He even went around and bought the ticket first before Sehun agreed to go. So it was reasonable if Sehun was pissed when Jongin arrived not only late, but also with another person to join them.

“Seriously Jongin, we’re literally one house away! You could’ve asked me. Plus, you know how I also love Daniel Caesar. We discovered his music together, didn’t we?” A deep baritone voice interrupted their arguments. 

Sehun unconsciously hitched his breath and looked to his side where this Chanyeol guy stood. He almost forgot that there’s another presence beside him and Jongin. Realizing his reaction was a little exaggerated, he cleared his throat and acted nonchalantly. 

“I--” Jongin was just opening his mouth but got cut off by Sehun.

“See?!!! You could’ve asked him instead, you dumbass. No need to drag me along.” Sehun sulked. 

“Sehunieeeee, don’t be like that... You promised you’d accompany me here. What are you gonna do anyway? It’s not like you have other things to do at home beside playing games.” Jongin pouted, intentionally doing it knowing Sehun was weak for his pouts.

“Okay okay now kids, let’s stop bickering.” Chanyeol stopped them before he turned to Sehun’s direction. “Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol. Sorry if I interrupted your.. uhh.. date?” he sounded unsure. He extended his right hand to Sehun and rubbed his nape with his left one. 

Sehun diverted his attention to Chanyeol once again, and for once, he took a good look at him. 

The first thing he noticed is how his undercutted white hair pushed up and showcased his beautiful forehead.

Sehun looked at his outfit and couldn't help but to think that this guy has a fashion sense. He dressed himself in such a simple outfit with a jeans jacket on top of a white shirt. For the bottom part, he wore a black jeans with a pair of branded sneakers and as if he didn’t look handsome enough, he wore big glasses to complete his whole outfit. He was good looking, Sehun has to admit that.

After he had done checking out Chanyeol’s outfit, he couldn’t help but notice the ears that stood out the most. _God that surely is an adorable pair of ears_ , he thought. 

After overly observing everything, Sehun finally moved to the smile.

_Oh dear God, that million watt smile…_

Sehun thought it should be creepy for someone to smile THAT widely, but somehow he found it adorable. He has never been so confused in his entire life. 

Realizing that he had left Chanyeol’s hand reaching for too long, he pulled himself together and accepted it. 

“Uh.. It’s not a date..” Sehun answered. “And I’m Sehun.” He curtly said while maintaining his poker face.

Sehun felt a tingling sensation when their hands touched. He wasn’t sure whether Chanyeol also felt it or not because certainly the boy acted indifferent even after he let Sehun’s hand go.

_Fuck what was that? Why am I feeling tingly all of a sudden? Oh my God please why am I acting like this._ Sehun found it weird because he doesn't usually panic like this.

“I like your hair by the way. It looks soft, like cotton candy.” Chanyeol randomly said and smiled even brighter than he already did, if that was even possible.

“U-uh thanks, I guess?” Sehun’s flushed.

He swore he could feel his heart beating too fast for some reason. He unconsciously started fanning himself, feeling hot all of a sudden.

“Okay, enough awkwardness. Let's just go explore the festival. We have some time to kill before the main event.” Jongin diverted his two friends.

Knowing how his friend is when he meets new people, Jongin couldn’t help but worry. It didn’t occur to him that he should’ve asked for Sehun’s permission first before inviting Chanyeol, although he didn’t have any choice since he literally met the older one in the middle of the way.

Jongin could already sense Sehun going into his inner cave by the way he was distancing himself when they walked. Chanyeol was too giddy making him oblivious to what’s happening around him, while Sehun tried so hard to ignore Jongin’s knowing stare.

Sometimes having a best friend that knows too much about you is scary, Sehun thought.

They went around and played many games, trying to get prizes which Chanyeol actually managed to win himself. It was another round of Chanyeol winning a shooting game when Jongin realized he always refused to pick the actual prizes-- they were allowed to choose gifts or just took food coupons. 

“Eh? Hyung, why do you keep getting coupons? Get the doll or other cute things, hyung. You could give it to your girlfriend later.” Jongin wiggled his eyebrows and gave Chanyeol a look, still wouldn’t let the topic go.

“Nah, I’ll just take the food coupons so we can use it later.” Chanyeol said after he took the coupons from the booth keeper. He was about to continue walking when he turned back to Jongin again. “And will you let this whole girlfriend thingy go please, Jongin? Stop teasing me with that wiggling eyebrow. I swear to God, you look like a pervert.” Chanyeol then playfully pushed Jongin away.

Sehun wasn't sure if he was just imagining it or not but he swore he could feel Chanyeol glanced at him. Sehun found it really weird but tried not to dwell on it so much. He tried distracting himself with wandering around and playing some games that could kill his boredom although he didn’t manage to win anything. He was just going here and there mindlessly while still maintaining his distance with the other two so he wouldn’t lose them.

After some time, they realized they spend too much time playing games and it’s almost time for the music performance. They still had to walk a couple minutes to reach the music hall, so Jongin rushed both Chanyeol and Sehun to head there as he kept whining about wanting to get the best spot.

“It doesn’t have to be in the front row, guys. As long as I can see him clearly then I’m good.” he excitedly said.

“You’re basically asking for the front row if you want a clear view of him, dumbass.” Sehun rolled his eyes at his best friend. Meanwhile, the target of his mockery just innocently grinned at him. 

They kept bickering all the way to the music hall although Sehun couldn’t help but kept glancing at Chanyeol. What he didn’t catch was how Chanyeol glanced back at him every time Sehun turned his attention back to Jongin.

As they arrived at the music hall, it was almost filled with so many people. Although it wasn’t exactly at the front of the stage, given their height, the three of them didn't find any difficulties to see the main stage so they settled themselves in the middle part of the crowd.

After what felt like a decade (according to Jongin), the MC announced that it’s finally Daniel Caesar’s stage. Jongin who was obviously in cloud nine as he was about to see his long awaited idol, jumping around excitedly like a cute puppy which caused him to bump his body to people beside him. Sehun couldn’t help but laugh at his best friend because people really just gave him a stink eye because he was too loud.

Although he had to admit, Jongin looked so adorable when he was excited like that.

Even Chanyeol was cooing over him. “Jongin ah, calm down. People are getting a little bit annoyed.” Chanyeol chuckled while ruffling Jongin’s hair.

Something in Sehun stirred when he looked at their interaction.

He realized the sour feeling he got when Chanyeol was deadlocking Jongin earlier and the scene that happened just now, it wasn’t because he was annoyed by Chanyeol’s presence. 

No, it was something else but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

He thought it was because his interaction with Jongin made him jealous, but as he thought over it wasn’t jealousy either because he was used to watching Jongin interact with his other friends like that too but he didn’t feel anything. It’s something about the way Chanyeol looked out for Jongin. The brotherly vibe he gave off, Sehun wanted to feel it too. And it was weird because he never got these feelings with other older friends he has.

The noise from the crowds brought Sehun out of his reverie. Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he brought his attention back to his surroundings. He saw Jongin sway his body while listening to the songs Daniel Caesar was playing, he smiled softly and tried to enjoy the music too.

The young Canadian singer performed a lot of songs that Sehun recognized because he sometimes heard it from Jongin’s playlist. Although he didn’t really memorize it, at least he could hum along to it. The show was getting enjoyable but sadly it had finally come to the end as the singer announced that he’s going to perform his last song.

Surprisingly he performed ‘Get You’, the song that Sehun came to like because it’s Jongin’s favorite and he repeated it endlessly.

As he was swaying his body to the beat, he felt like someone was looking at him so he looked around to see who it was. He took a brief look to his side and he found Chanyeol had been staring at him. He immediately looked away when he was caught, acting as if he wasn’t staring at Sehun just a second ago.

Sehun brushed it off thinking he might be mistaken and tried to enjoy the stage again.

But not long after he felt the stare again, he stole a glance at Chanyeol's direction who once again looked away when their eyes met.

Didn’t know how to react, Sehun cleared his throat and bowed his head trying to hide the growing pink blush on his cheeks.

The show was coming to an end so the three of them decided to eat first before they head home. They were going to use the coupons that Chanyeol got from the games he won so it wouldn’t go to waste and save more money.

The distance from the music hall to the food hall was kind of far because it was placed in the middle part of the venue so they walked slowly as it was crowded.

“Waaaahhh I’m seriously starving. Hyung, I think I might eat a whole meal instead of a small snack.” Jongin said while he rubbed his flat tummy.

Sehun couldn’t help but side eyeing him. “Of course you would. You were jumping here and there when the performances were mostly chill. You’re so weird, I swear to God. Who the _hell_ jumps around listening to slow R&B songs.”

Chanyeol chuckled. In short of time he knew Sehun, he really liked it when Sehun went all sassy. It was really amusing how Sehun always looked so calm and reserved but when he opened his mouth, it felt like he was spitting fire.

After walking for 10 minutes, they finally arrived at the food hall. Jongin immediately ditched Sehun and Chanyeol when he saw a food stall selling all kinds of chicken dishes. He didn’t even say anything and just went straight to the stall. Sehun could even imagine Jongin’s creepy smile that usually painted on his face everytime chicken was involved while he walked towards it. Knowing that he couldn’t stop his best friend, Sehun decided to look for food himself.

He was too busy pondering what he was going to eat to notice Chanyeol was still standing beside him. It was when he was trying to see the food stalls on the right side that he realized it.

He unconsciously let out a small “Oh..” when he saw Chanyeol already staring at him.

“Why do you sound surprised?” A small smirk bloomed on Chanyeol’s face. 

“Oh. Uhm nothing.. I thought you already went somewhere, hyung..” He couldn’t help but shyly mumbled the last part.

“But I’ve been standing here for a full 5 minutes, Sehun ah..” 

There was something stirred inside Sehun’s chest when he heard Chanyeol calling him like that. 

“I figured you might get confused and lost if you went around by yourself, so I’m waiting for you to decide and accompany you.” Chanyeol continued.

Sehun didn’t know how to react, and he knew he looked like a stupid goldfish right at the moment because he kept opening and closing his mouth trying to find the right words.

Giving up, he cleared his throat and shifted his attention. “Um… I kinda want to explore that side.” He pointed at the right side of the food stalls he was originally going to check out.

“Okay then, let’s go!” Chanyeol immediately led the way.

“What about you, hyung? You’re not going to look for your meals?” Sehun timidly asked.

“Well, I’m doing it too while accompanying you. So don’t worry, okay?” He smiled while looking back at Sehun who could only nod his head.

Sehun might be exaggerating a little bit, but he swore he felt like Chanyeol’s smile shined brightly. _God am I in heaven? Why is he glowing like that what the fuck is he blessed by the moonlight or what_ , Sehun internally screamed.

As they were exploring the food stalls, Chanyeol realized that Sehun kept distancing himself and was being quiet. Intended to make Sehun get comfortable, Chanyeol slowly pulled the sleeve of Sehun’s shirt to draw his attention.

“Hey, Sehun ah..”

Chanyeol didn’t expect his reaction to be priceless like this. Sehun literally went wide eyed and there was a visible reddish blush on both of his cheeks as if he was caught red handed after doing something illegal. Seeing how flustered he was, Chanyeol looked at him tenderly as if he was a fragile thing that could break any minute.

“Hey, did I make you uncomfortable? You’ve been distancing yourself since we started walking.” he swiftly stood closer to Sehun and noticed how Sehun flinched a little bit so he decided to take a step back to give him some space.

It’s not that Sehun was trying to be closed off or act all tough when he was with new people. But Sehun had been like that since he was a kid. It was like his whole demeanor to shut down when he was trying to interact with someone he didn’t know. It was the fear of getting ignored or brushed off by the person he talked to and the fear of him unknowingly annoyed the opposite party by talking too much, that made him build up a wall around him. 

Realizing what he unconsciously did, Sehun dropped his head and sighed. “Sorry hyung, I should be the one asking you whether I make you uncomfortable or not. I’m just so awkward when it comes to meeting new people. I just tend to get quiet whenever I meet someone new because I’m afraid I might annoy them or something.”

Seeing how flustered Sehun was while explaining his condition, Chanyeol let out a soft smile because he didn’t think Sehun was annoying. “Hey, it’s okay you’re not annoying to me. If anything, I’m actually fascinated by how loud you are with Jongin. It’s quite a fun thing to see.” he said sincerely.

“Ah, no hyung. Jongin is a special case because he’s an annoying shit. I’m not usually that loud..” he tried to reasoned although he was being utterly shy right at the moment.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but laugh at that, “Yeah, Jongin can be annoying sometimes indeed. But really Sehun, you can be as comfortable as you can with me, okay? I’m pretty sure we’re gonna meet each other on another occasion.” Sehun didn’t quite understand why Chanyeol said it as if he was so sure about it. 

After their little food rendezvous, they went back and looked for Jongin who was waving at them excitedly right after they spotted him sitting almost in the middle part of the room. 

“It took you guys so long, I have finished eating.” Jongin said the moment Chanyeol and Sehun arrived at their table. 

“It’s not that we’re taking too long, you’re just a hungry pig.” Sehun answered flatly while he dug into his meal. 

“Says the one who keeps _eye-fucking_ his meat.” Chanyeol almost choked on his fries when Jongin said that.

Embarrassed by what his best friend said, Sehun kicked Jongin lightly, “That sounds so wrong, Jongin, for _fuck’s sake_ keep your dirty minded brain to yourself.” 

“Ugh whatever, I’m gonna go to the toilet quickly. You wait here with hyung, yeah?”

There was a sudden change in Sehun’s attitude knowing that he was going to be left alone with Chanyeol again. It was like he was nervous but also shy at the same time.

“Hm, yeah okay. Don’t take too long though.” Sehun intentionally whispered the last part, hoping that Chanyeol wouldn’t hear it.

Not a second after, Jongin sprinted his way trying to look for the nearest toilet. Sehun suddenly heard chuckle from beside him. “Why? Are you still scared of me? I thought you were already comfortable around me.” Chanyeol teasingly looked at Sehun.

“Uh it’s not that, hyung. I just umm… I- uhh…” he awkwardly looked somewhere else trying to put words out of his words.

“Hey, hey, relax! I was just teasing you. Go eat your food, it’s getting colder now.” 

Trying to make his beating heart calm down, he distractedly picked up his food and started eating. Although if he was being honest, he can’t even focus on the taste of the steak he was eating. Too lost in his own thoughts.

They were eating in silence when suddenly Sehun felt like he couldn't swallow his food and started coughing. Concerned with Sehun’s sudden state, Chanyeol started to panic and rubbed Sehun’s back in circle motion hoping it would help him calm down. 

It took a good 5 minutes for Sehun to calm down, and when he opened his eyes he was welcomed with a pair of warm brown eyes observing him worriedly.

“Hey, back to earth yet?” Chanyeol tries to lighten up the mood which he successfully did because Sehun smiled at his words.

“Hm yeah, outer space sucks anyway.” Sehun didn’t know why he suddenly felt like joking back despite his chest still hurting. 

They both laughed at Sehun’s lame attempt of joking not realizing that they were actually holding each other’s hand while Chanyeol’s other hand was still rubbing circles on Sehun’s back.

Sehun felt warm all over him when he realized the position they were in. He could actually feel Chanyeol’s breath next to his neck.

Sehun cleared his throat and tried to make a distance when there was a sudden sharp zap on his wrist. Too shocked with the sudden pain he accidentally slapped Chanyeol’s hand away.

He didn’t know what happened, but he immediately covered his wrist trying to ease the pain. He realized that he was not the only one who was feeling it because he heard Chanyeol inhaled sharply as if he was trying to hold the pain. It happened fast but Sehun noticed that after he controlled his breathing, Chanyeol hid his hands behind his body and acted as if nothing happened.

“Hyung, did you-” Sehun stopped midway because he saw Jongin was already on his way back to their table. 

“Yo! You haven’t finished eating?” Jongin noticed that Sehun still had some leftovers on his plate, having no clue of what just happened between his two friends.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna head back first. I suddenly felt not good.” Chanyeol said all of a sudden.

“What? Are you okay, hyung? You barely eat your food though.” Jongin is confused with the sudden change in Chanyeol’s behavior. He perfectly knew that Chanyeol hated ditching people. Besides, they were just attending a concert, there was no way Chanyeol’s mood turned sour all of a sudden.

“Uh, yeah. I think it was the wind or something, I suddenly felt not good. My head is hurting too much and uh.. my nose is itching.” he tried to make an excuse because he knew Jongin won’t let him go easily.

“Yeah yeah,sure hyung just go. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess?” Jongin was still suspicious but he let Chanyeol go eventually because he saw how pale Chanyeol actually was.

“What happened when I was away though? Why is he suddenly feeling sick?” Jongin asked Sehun after they silently watched Chanyeol walk away.

“Hm? I don’t know either..” Sehun absentmindedly answered.

He was confused too.


	3. Chapter 3

_☘_

**_“Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you,_ **

**_Thinking of you._ **

**_What you would do if, you were the one who was spending the night?_ **

**_Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes.”_ **

**_(Thinking of You - Katy Perry)_ **

It was as if the universe was playing tricks on him. Just when Sehun thought he wouldn't be meeting Chanyeol again, he was dumbfounded when he saw Chanyeol again. And out of all places, they met on their campus. 

To say Sehun was shocked was an understatement. Because one, he had never seen Chanyeol around the campus before and two, Chanyeol was his lecturer's assistant which Sehun never knew about. He gaped for too long at the sight of Chanyeol at the front desk that he didn't feel Kyungsoo had been nudging him for a couple minutes.

"What?" He hissed.

"You're burning holes to that man, stop it." Kyungsoo judged him.

"I'm not, you're exaggerating."

"Suuurrreeee. But did you know him tho? You look like you recognize him when he entered the room." Kyungsoo curiously asked.

"Uh yeah kinda? We met a couple days ago." Sehun tried to avert his gaze to his book instead before Chanyeol realized he's staring.

"YO! DON'T TELL ME HE'S ONE OF YOUR HOOKUPS?!!!" Kyungsoo may have said it a little bit too loud.

" _Fuck,_ dude tone it down, the whole class is gonna hear you." Sehun hoped there was a big hole to swallow him out of this world.

"Sorry, sorry. It was my reflex." Kyungsoo really didn't mean to scream it out and made a scene.

“You sure have a weird reflex of being loud when you’re usually emotionless.” Sehun grumbled. 

He tried to purposely hide himself behind a book, but he saw Chanyeol staring at him and tried to hide his smile.

Sehun had never felt so embarrassed in his life to the point he just wanted to hide.

"No but seriously though, where did you meet him, Sehun?" Kyungsoo whispered, still trying to dig out information.

"He's my best friend's neighbor.” Sehun explained. “You remember Jongin? Apparently Jongin and him are neighbors and have known each other for quite some time. And we kinda met at the music festival the other day.”

"You have no intention of getting closer with him, are you?" Kyungsoo asked warily.

"I just met him once and that's it. That's why I was surprised to see him here because I never thought I'd meet him again after that night. Why though? Don't tell me you're the one who's actually eyeing him?" Sehun couldn’t help but teased Kyungsoo back. Ignoring a bitter feeling he suddenly felt after he said it.

“No! Of course not! It's just he's quite famous, you know?” It was a rare sight for Sehun to see Kyungsoo gossiping. 

“I'm surprised you never heard anything about him." Okay, now Kyungsoo fully got Sehun's curiosity.

"Huh famous for what? I didn't even know he exists in this campus until today."

"I can't believe you don't know him. He's our senior, Sehun.” Kyungsoo stated as if Sehun didn’t know it already. 

“Did you really never hear anything about him? I heard from one of the seniors that there was this one senior that is close to perfection. Like he has it all, the face, the height, the personality and the brain. But his only flaw is that he likes to play with people's feelings."

"Really? I never heard of that." Sehun couldn't help but think back to their first meeting. Sehun remembered how gentle and kind Chanyeol was to him. There was no way Chanyeol was a bad person, moreover a playboy. He has this soft aura around him that makes it impossible for him to be a person who likes to mess with people’s feelings.

Being too deep in his own thoughts, Sehun didn’t realize the class had passed quickly. 

He felt a nudge from Kyungsoo forcing him to come back to his senses. He realized that the class was dismissed and half of his classmates already left the classroom. The only thing that came to Sehun's mind was how to get out of the class without having to interact with Chanyeol. He saw Chanyeol was still organizing his stuff at the front table rather slowly. Sehun wondered if he did it on purpose or not.

He glanced at Kyungsoo who was also done packing his books, so Sehun hurried himself and planned to blend in with the rest of the crowd. The only thing he hoped for at the moment was the ability to make himself smaller so that Chanyeol wouldn't see him slip out of the class.

He tried to slouchy-walk beside Kyungsoo thinking that it would make him look smaller. Which of course didn't work and only earned a weird judging stare from Kyungsoo. 

"Seriously, what are you doing?" Kyungsoo asked while he stopped walking down the stairs.

Sehun let out a desperate sigh as Kyungsoo once again gained the attention of others and failed his hiding plan. Just when he tried to continue, he saw Chanyeol looking at them as if waiting for them to come and Sehun realized he could never escape the upcoming encounter with Chanyeol. So he ended up giving a small wave at Chanyeol and smiled shyly. 

"Hey, didn’t expect to meet you here!" Chanyeol let out a wide smile when Sehun approached him.

"Ah yes, hyung. I didn't know you're enrolling in here too." He timidly said to Chanyeol.

"Oh, this is actually my last year here, hence why I'm helping Prof. Kim as his assistant. He kinda asked me personally, so I couldn’t really say no." Chanyeol explained.

"Ah I see." Sehun awkwardly stood there, not knowing what to respond.

He couldn’t help but to thank Kyungsoo inwardly when he suddenly cleared his throat making the duo realize that they weren’t alone in the room. But when he looked at Kyungsoo, he wished he never turned his head because Kyungsoo was literally glaring at the both of them. Although Sehun felt like it was more towards Chanyeol.

"Are you done, Sehun? Let's go to the cafeteria." Kyungsoo asked.

"Oh yeah sure. Hyung, I'm going to head back first, yeah?" Sehun immediately used this chance to escape from Chanyeol.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, Sehun. Go eat lots okay, I'll see you around." Chanyeol waved him goodbye and continued to tidy up his things.

When Sehun and Kyungso were out of class, Kyungsoo literally dragged him far away from the class to make sure Chanyeol wouldn't hear them.

"You said you didn't know him that well? You both look so comfy talking to each other though." Kyungsoo asked after, eyebrows raised at Sehun after seeing their interaction.

"Well yeah, I didn't really know him. I told you we only met once." Sehun once again tried to explain.

"For real? I see the way he looks at you though, pretty sure there's something in there." Kyungsoo said suspiciously.

"You're just imagining things." Sehun rolled his eyes.

"Suit yourself. But didn't say I don't warn you.” he shrugged. “What I said about his reputation is true and I don't want you to get hurt." Kyungsoo said while continuing to walk to the cafeteria.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful." Sehun answered. 

Although he felt like it was just a response only to shut Kyungsoo up because somehow he knew that Chanyeol wouldn't hurt him.

* * *

Sehun hates to admit but sometimes he overthink over something that shouldn't be bothering him that much. A small silly little thing yet somehow his mind always made it as if it was a big deal. He would end up thinking about it the whole day, ruining his mood, making him lose his concentration over everything.

After all of his classes were done for the day, he parted ways with Kyungsoo saying he needed to go somewhere when in fact he was trying to clear his mind. He hadn't been able to focus on anything ever since Chanyeol’s class. 

Kyungsoo's words shouldn't be affecting him like this. Sehun was perfectly aware of the fact that Chanyeol liked to give people false hopes shouldn't be affecting him this much but it seems like his mind liked to mess with him and couldn't let the little piece of information out of his mind.

Realizing he was tiring himself out by wandering around mindlessly, he called Jongin to ask about his whereabouts. After waiting for it to dial for a couple seconds, Jongin finally picked up his call.

"Mmmh?" Jongin hummed sleepily.

"You asleep?" Sehun checked his watch out of reflex.

"Mmmh.."

"At this hour?"

Another "Mmmh.." could be heard.

"Seriously?" Sehun asked again. More like teasing Jongin at this point.

"What do you want, you piece of shit. I'm awake now thanks to you." Jongin finally gained his consciousness.

"Oh, you awake now? Aw I'm sorry, I'll let you sleep again then."

" _Fuck_ you, Sehun. Seriously, what do you want? I swear if you're just annoying me, these hands gonna end up around your neck." Jongin tried to threaten him although Sehun knew he didn't mean it.

"Oohhh kinky, huh. I didn't know you have this side, Kim Jongin." He teased Jongin some more.

There was a sigh on the other side of the line, "Whatever, I'm hanging up."

"Wait wait wait. Hold on, okay I'll stop teasing. I'm coming over, okay."

"Mmmh." Sehun heard Jongin answer before he cut off the line.

After the call ended, Sehun decided to look for a nearest chicken place and bought some for Jongin so he wouldn't get mad. It looked like Jongin was already in a bad mood when Sehun called, he didn't want to make his mood even worse. 

Having already gone to Jongin's place countless times, Sehun didn't even need to ask Jongin to open the door for him. He knew where Jongin's mom hid their spare key, so he immediately took it from between the big stones near their entrance door. He opened the door and hid it again.

"Hello?" Sehun tried to call out, in case one of Jongin's family members was home too. As he didn't hear any response, he went straight to the second floor which Jongin room is at. Sehun barged into Jongin’s bedroom only to find him curling back to his slumber. Knowing that he probably had pissed Jongin on the phone just now, he decided to let Jongin sleep some more while he stayed there waiting for him until he woke up.

He put down the chicken he brought on the way to the nearest table and he settled down on the sofa by the windowsill. Not knowing what to do, he decided to watch something from his phone to kill some time. He got too comfortable, he ended up falling asleep too.

It was the sound of someone rummaging through a plastic bag that woke Sehun up. He sat down groggily while he gathered his consciousness.

"You know, if you're just gonna get some sleep here might as well just go back to your apartment and rest there." Jongin said without looking at him while he picked his first piece of chicken.

"It's probably cold already, let's heat it up first." Sehun chose to ignore Jongin's remark and got up, intending to bring the chicken to the kitchen and heat it.

"Don't bother." Jongin stopped Sehun before he left the room. "I'll eat it right away, it's okay, I don't mind."

Knowing that Jongin was not in his mood and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, Sehun just shrugged it off and went back to the windowsill sofa. They sat in silence for a couple minutes until Jongin finally broke it.

"Why are you here? Something's bothering your mind?" Jongin yielded and asked Sehun.

Sehun didn't answer him for a while, only staring at Jongin while he tried to read his expression. It was one of Sehun's ways to let Jongin know that he disliked being treated like this, but also at the same time he wanted Jongin to let out what was bothering him too. They fell into a staring contest for some time until Jongin gave up, realizing how Sehun was so stubborn this time. As he wanted Jongin to tell him first.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Jongin finally spoke. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I wasn't really in the mood." He tried not to say much to Sehun.

Sehun's stares intensified more than before, making Jongin all of a sudden feel panicked.

"I'm sorry, okay. I really am. It's just..." he sighed, shoulder dropping as if there was a heavy baggage pulling him down.

"It's just school, I swear. I'm just bummed with all these assignments and projects I need to get done but I feel like I'm in a slump." Jongin warily peeked at Sehun's face.

"You sure?" Sehun softened after he heard Jongin's reason. He didn't pay attention to it at first but now that they were facing each other, he finally saw how tired looking Jongin was. 

"Yeah, one hundred percent sure. It's just fatigue taking over my mood and I was just getting my sleep when you called so.. I was kinda pissed." Jongin rubbed his nape.

"I'm sorry then." Sehun apologized. "I wasn't thinking when I called you. I just needed to go somewhere and decided to call you. I got carried away with teasing you, I didn't read your mood that time." Sehun dropped his head, obviously feeling guilty.

"Hey, it's okay." Jongin finally approached Sehun and sat beside him. It was a little bit cramped as the both of them have long limbs but they didn't mind. Being clingy to each other was a habit to the both of them. And just like that, Sehun easily put his head on Jongin’s shoulder, releasing a sigh.

“Now tell me what’s bothering you.” Jongin demanded, shaking Sehun’s head a little with purposely moving his shoulder. Sehun tsk-ed at the action making Jongin chuckled. 

“There is nothing bothering me. I just felt down all of a sudden.” he sighed heavily. 

“Did something happen?” Jongin asked. He leaned his head against Sehun’s head to get more comfortable.

“No, not really.” Sehun didn’t know why it felt like something was holding him back from telling Jongin what was bothering him when usually he blabbered his mouth about literally everything. 

They fell into another silence.

Faintly, the pair could hear the sound of a car’s engine roaring, approaching Jongin’s house from outside and not a minute later it stopped running and they heard someone closing the car door. 

“Oh. Chanyeol hyung is back.” Jongin peeked down through his window.

Hearing the familiar name, Sehun’s heart skipped a beat.

_Great._ Sehun thought. _Just when I want to run away from the thoughts of him, he appears again._

“I met him today,” he started. “It turns out he was Prof. Kim’s assistant.” All of a sudden, it was so easy to fall into the topic.

“Yeah? I heard since he’s in his last year, Prof. Kim personally asked him to be his temporary assistant but I didn’t know you have Prof. Kim’s class this semester.” Jongin didn’t seem to be surprised.

“I was surprised when he entered the class. I thought he was another classmate of mine.” Sehun added.

There was a short silence before Sehun continued. 

“Did you know what Kyungsoo said to me after seeing Chanyeol hyung?” Sehun asked him, oblivious to Jongin’s uninterested response.

“Mmmh, what?” 

“He said that apparently Chanyeol hyung has a reputation of playing with people’s feelings. You know, like some sort of a playboy but with a good personality. Have you ever heard about this?” 

Sehun was trying to ask nonchalantly when in fact he used this opportunity to dig around some information from Jongin. He didn’t even know why he couldn’t let go of this topic. It wasn’t like someone being a playboy was a new thing, anyway. Moreover he hadn’t known Chanyeol for that long, so he shouldn’t get this worked up over this whole thing.

“I’m not sure. Chanyeol hyung is kind of a social butterfly, you know? I always see him with new people, but he always said they’re his friends. It’s probably those people who expected too high for him?”

“Yeah probably. When Kyungsoo said he is kind of a playboy, I didn't believe it.”

“But there is this one person who is always with Chanyeol hyung though. I think his name is Baekhyun?? I saw him a couple times and they seemed close. I asked hyung once if he is his boyfriend but hyung just laughed it off.”

“Could’ve been his best friend, no? I mean look at us, we’re always sticking to each other but we’re not in a relationship.” Sehun stated, not knowing that what he just said made something inside Jongin breaks.

* * *

Despite Kyungsoo warning, Sehun somehow grew closer to Chanyeol.

It all went so natural.

Sehun was having difficulties understanding one of his assignments. Asking Kyungsoo for help wasn’t an answer because he already tried it and instead he got an earful from that angry man. At some point he was sure he was going to give up and ditch the assignment but something in the back of his mind kept telling him to go and ask Chanyeol about it. Although at first he was contemplating whether it was considered cheating or not but he was really desperate so he tried not to dwell on it much.

Another problem arose when he realized he didn't have Chanyeol's contact. Somehow, asking the only person who has Chanyeol's contact was kind of a challenge itself. Sehun knew Jongin wouldn't give it easily, not before he bombarded him with questions first.

"What do you need it for?"

"Can't you ask another person about it? Ask Kyungsoo."

"Aren't you considered cheating if you're asking for his help?"

The questions got even more irritating when Jongin ask,

"Can't you ask me instead? I can probably help you."

Sehun rolled his eyes and released a heavy sigh. "For real? You? Able to help me? An Art major student helping a Business major student? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?"

Jongin shrugged, he could see how pissed Sehun had become. So he grabbed his phone, scrolled through the contacts and wordlessly sent the number to Sehun leaving Sehun dumbfounded and confused. _Just why the hell I have to go through that stupid arguments._ But he tried not to push it, aware that if he was, both he and Jongin might be caught in another argument.

The first meeting was awkward. Sehun was aware Chanyeol tried to break the ice because he probably could see how stoic Sehun was. But he was being so patient just like how he did the other night making Sehun eventually melt down.

"So basically what you need to figure out first is the business plan, and from there you can figure out the rest like the budgeting, the market target, etc. I'll help you go through it, but I'll let you think about what business plan you're going to develop okay?" Chanyeol explained to Sehun after he told Chanyeol which part that he didn’t understand and worked in silence after he understood what he was supposed to do.

“I’m surprised you contacted me first, though?” Chanyeol broke the silence.

Sehun was confused at first as he was too engrossed in his assignment that he forgot he wasn’t alone in the library.

“Oh! Um.. I didn’t know who to ask other than Kyungsoo. He explained to me too about the assignment but I couldn’t understand a thing when he kept roasting me everytime a word came out of his mouth.” he grumbled while reminiscing his phone call with Kyungsoo the other day. 

Kyungsoo was actually mocking him because he somehow knew Sehun’s soul wasn’t entirely at the class after their talk. Instead of helping Sehun to understand the assignment, he told Sehun to figure it out by himself. “Figure it out yourself. It’s your own fault for not paying attention.” Before he hung up the call. 

Chanyeol’s laugh brought him back, “He sure is kind of feisty for a small guy like him, though. I swear the way he glared at me the other day gives me jitters.”

“Well yeah, that’s Kyungsoo for you. Even after knowing him for years I’m still afraid of him sometimes.” Sehun said, making Chanyeol flashes another laugh.

As Chanyeol didn’t want to prevent Sehun from finishing his assignment, he stopped engaging Sehun in conversation and instead did his job too.

Sehun was vigorously typing on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed as he was trying to figure out his assignment when he realized it was too silent. He looked to his side and saw Chanyeol was also silently doing his thesis. He was frowning while trying to read something as if he didn’t get whatever it was he was reading. Sehun unconsciously blushed when he thought Chanyeol looked hot at the moment. But he immediately shrugged his head and went back to his assignment.

A couple hours later the both of them decided to wrap things up as the day started to get dark. Brain too drained after being overused. 

“Are you going anywhere after this?” Chanyeol finally broke the silence between them.

“Hm, I’ll just go home and buy something to eat along the way. Why, hyung?”

“Oh. Nothing. I was about to ask you if you want to get dinner with me.” Chanyeol bashfully brushed his neck. Feeling shy all of a sudden.

“Oh..” Sehun was kind of surprised by the suggestion. “Well then I guess I can sacrifice a little bit of my precious time for our valedictorian.” Sehun joked and made the both of them laugh.

“Oh shut it, you. It’s not a big deal.” 

“Not a big deal you say, hyung? If being a valedictorian is not a big deal then that means a dumb person like me can be one too.”

“You’re not dumb, Sehun ah. I’ve seen your grades.” Chanyeol was actually right.

Sehun was quite a smart kid. He passed class with flying colors. It was also the reason why Chanyeol was surprised when Sehun asked him to help him with the assignment. And Chanyeol’s theory was right when after he explained it to Sehun, he immediately understood what the assignment was about. He was a quick learner, Chanyeol knew it.

It was just on that day, Sehun’s focus was somewhere else. Sehun couldn’t concentrate when Chanyeol announced the assignment to the whole class being too engrossed with other things. But Chanyeol didn’t need to know the reason behind it.

“I mean hyung, I completely didn’t understand the assignment when the instruction is that simple.” Sehun whined. 

“That’s not called dumb though. That’s called _you have to pay attention when you’re in class_ , okay.” Chanyeol affectionately flicked Sehun’s forehead while saying it.

  
They kept bickering while looking for a place to eat. Despite the cold air hitting their smiley cheeks, for some reason they felt warm inside. _Ah, I could get used to this._ Sehun smiled to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**_☘_ **

**_“It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_ **

**_It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?_ **

**_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_ **

**_'Cause I'm not fine at all”_ **

**_(Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer)_ **

Except, Sehun shouldn’t get used to it. Being used to having Chanyeol around him, completely depending on him when he used to be just fine doing everything by himself. He remembered his mom once said to him, “It’s okay to fall in love, Sehun ah. But don’t fall too deeply until you’re sure they’re the chosen one for you. Because the depth of your love could later be the depth of your pain too.” 

Oh, how Sehun wished his mother was wrong. Well, she’s partly wrong. Sehun certainly has fallen for the ‘chosen’ one yet _he_ doesn’t want him. Despite them being a match from the universe, his supposed to be significant others refuse it.

* * *

It is so easy. Getting close to Chanyeol is so easy. They click with each other like a perfect match despite all the differences. It's like the both of them are magnets drawn to each other, always have each other on their mind every time they are about to do something.

After that certain study date, Sehun’s relationship with Chanyeol starting to grow even more. It’s like they have a silent agreement to spend their time together ever since then. They would go to lunch after classes or if they couldn’t meet at day, Chanyeol would go visit Sehun’s apartment to accompany him for dinner. Chanyeol sometimes would stay until late at night for their movie night. The both of them aren’t a fan of games but they would also occasionally play games when they’re bored with their usual activities. Cafe or movie dates, they did it all. Even though there’s never a spoken agreement to call them dates, for Sehun, they felt like ones.

Sehun, of course wonders what their relationship status is, because he feels like it’s not like the usual _hyung-dongsaeng_ relationship. In the span of 6 month he grew closer to Chanyeol, they literally texted each other every day, every hour, every minute. Even he and Jongin didn’t contact each other that often. To top it all, Chanyeol gave his attention to Sehun a little too much sometimes. 

Like that one time when Sehun said he forgot to eat dinner because he was too focused on studying for the upcoming exam and it was already too late for him to have dinner. Sehun thought Chanyeol fell asleep when he didn’t get any reply but it was 30 minutes later when Sehun heard someone rang his bell. It got him wondering who the _hell_ came to visit him at 11.27 pm only to find Chanyeol panting and sweating at his front door shoving a plastic bag to Sehun and then going back without even saying anything to Sehun, leaving him confused at his front door. A prominent blush on both of his cheeks.

After waiting for another 30 minutes while he enjoyed the burger Chanyeol bought, Sehun sent him a thank you message and asked why he didn’t come in? Chanyeol answered with a short _Wouldn’t want to bother you with your study. Enjoy the meal, don’t stay up late -xx._ It is small things like this that makes Sehun thinks they are more than just friends.

They are currently in the middle of another movie night, watching a romance movie, a genre they don’t usually watch. Sehun suggested watching this movie as some of his friends said that the movie is good, it’s not all about romance, it has a slice of life in it too. It’s based on a true story so Sehun is curious about it. He thought Chanyeol would refuse watching it as he said romance is too cringy for him but he agreed anyway without even asking Sehun what the movie is about.

They watch the movie in silence with Chanyeol occasionally munching on the popcorn Sehun prepared beforehand. Whether he’s bored with the movie or not, he doesn’t show it although Sehun can see his disinterested face. 

They are at the part where the male lead was asking the female lead about why she doesn’t let him make their relationship official even after chasing around for years and the female lead answered with _“People always say that the most wonderful time of a relationship happens before it really happens. When two people are together, the magic vanishes easily.”_ Sehun hears Chanyeol snorted after she says it.

“What’s so funny hyung?” Sehun asks, genuinely curious of Chanyeol’s reaction.

“Ah, nothing. I just agree with her words to a certain level.” he answered nonchalantly.

“Huh? How so?” Sehun paused the movie as he’s giving Chanyeol his attention.

Chanyeol glances at Sehun and sees how he’s so keen on keeping this topic so he straightens his position while still looking at the TV.

“It’s exactly like what the lady said. _When_ _two people are together, the magic vanishes easily._ ” Chanyeol repeated what the female lead said, making Sehuns even more confused than he already is. 

“It’s just.. putting a label on your relationship is like sealing the deal to commitment you know? It may not seem a big deal to anyone but it is for me.” Chanyeol said as he’s swimming deep in his thoughts. 

“Being committed to someone for a long time is a big thing. It’s not just you having a life partner and flaunting it to everyone that you have someone by your side, no. Being committed means you have to give your everything, willing to do anything for them. And yet at the same time, we don’t know what the future brings. I may have lost them somewhere along the way. Or.. or maybe, maybe, they get tired of me and leave me, taking away a piece of me along with them. I don’t think I’m ready for that. Ever. I don’t think I will ever be ready to be committed to someone.”

There’s a deafening silence after Chanyeol let out his inner thoughts. The light atmosphere around them somehow becomes heavy. 

“So basically you’re just afraid of losing them?” Sehun breaks the silence. 

“Yeah, well. You can say it like that. I can’t afford to lose someone who holds the other half of my world and leave me miserable. I’d rather avoid it rather than experiencing it.”

Sensing how their conversation turns into a serious one, Chanyeol added. “Besides, if you’re happy with your current position in a relationship, whatever it is you call it. As long as you both are happy then I guess a mere status or label shouldn’t be a big thing.” Chanyeol then resumes the movie again, acting as if he didn’t just say something that cracked Sehun’s heart.

* * *

After their last movie night, Chanyeol hasn’t contacted him again. He did tell Sehun that he’s going to be busy the upcoming week as he’s preparing for graduation and starting his internship at the same time. But somehow Sehun still feels like something is off.

The sudden break of their meetings somehow gives Sehun sometime to think. For some reason, he can’t let out Chanyeol’s words out of his head from that night. It’s like living in his mind like a parasite.

Sehun tries so hard to convince himself that it’s not his concern, it has nothing to do with him. But the more he tries to drill it into his head, the more he thinks about it.

Sehun is confused. All this time he interacts with Chanyeol, he is sure it’s more than a friendship. It feels like Chanyeol is pursuing him instead. He gives Sehun extra attention, always making time for him no matter how busy he is. It’s no longer just helping Sehun with his assignments, it feels like helping Sehun filling his void life instead. 

Yet after that night, it feels like Chanyeol is drawing a line between the both of them. It feels like as if Sehun just switched an ‘off’ button in Chanyeol’s heart that he suddenly changed. Despite knowing that Chanyeol is busy at the moment, Sehun realizes that Chanyeol is also avoiding him. Because before, Chanyeol always responded to his text even with a simple OK. But now.. Not even a single word. He read Sehun’s messages but no reply at all.

This fact made Sehun think a lot about the talk the other day. He wondered what went wrong, when after the talk they still act like their usual self. They still laughed at Chanyeol's habit of tripping himself over Sehun’s living room carpet, still joked about how Sehun was a sobbing mess at the end of the movie. Chanyeol even still ruffled Sehun’s hair before he went home like he always did, as it was his signature ‘goodbye’. So what went wrong?

It's fortunate that Kyungsoo asks Sehun to go out and meet him for a ‘quick chit-chat’. Sehun finds it fascinating how Kyungsoo always knows whenever he needs someone to talk to, it’s like they have an instinct for each other. Sehun is perfectly aware that the moment he tells Kyungsoo about his closeness with Chanyeol, he might get an earful speech. But at this point, Sehun can’t care less. He needs to vent it out.

They promise to meet each other in one of the cafes near their campus. Living near the campus area, Sehun arrives first and proceeds to order his drink while waiting for Kyungsoo to come.

Sehun hates being alone in a cafe like this, warm light with slow-chill songs playing in the background. It’s cozy, of course but for some reason it gives off an ‘overthinking area’ vibe. It makes him drown himself into a dark pit of thoughts. He zoned out the rest of his surroundings, not realizing that Kyungsoo has just arrives and just finish ordering his drinks too.

He misses the concerned look Kyungsoo gives him before he smacks Sehun’s head, forcefully pulling Sehun out of his reverie.

“Daydreaming in a broad daylight is a bad fortune, you know.” Kyungsoo nonchalantly says while he takes a seat.

“Says who?” Sehun pouts while he rubs his head.

“Says me, just now.”

“God, you hit like a hitman.” Sehun whines, rubbing his head even more as he doesn’t feel like the pain is going away.

“You’re exaggerating.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes although he kind of feels bad. He admitted, he did hit him a little bit too hard but let’s not let Sehun know about it.

Sehun grumbles while still rubbing his head but decides not to prolong his whine as he’s afraid Kyungsoo will hit him even harder. He’s a scary man like that. _Just like what Chanyeol said._ A little voice inside his head chirps in but he tries to shake it off.

“What are you thinking of anyway? You literally zoned off, I can even see your frown even before I enter.” Kyungsoo asks, always to the point.

“Nothing. Just you know, things..” Sehun trails off. He tries to act nonchalant by stirring his drink and glances at Kyungsoo as Sehun notices his stare.

“What? I’m serious, it’s nothing.” Sehun stares back at Kyungsoo as if challenging him to drop it off. Kyungsoo keeps staring at him making him squirms in his seat.

“You said you want to tell me something? Let’s talk about that instead. Your aura is not as dark as usual, something good must be happening in your life?” Sehun tries to divert Kyungsoo’s attention.

“Dark aura, my ass.” Kyungsoo throws him an used tissue.

“Well I mean, I wouldn’t know. I never saw your ass.” Sehun sniggers when Kyungsoo threatens to hit him again. “No, but seriously. What happened?” He asks again.

It is a rare sight to see for Sehun as he never sees Kyungsoo smiling shyly like that. “I met my soulmate a week ago.” Kyungsoo states.

Somehow hearing the word _soulmate_ gives Sehun a mixed feeling. “Really? How did you know?” he asks.

“You know, people say when we met our soulmate we’d feel a _zing_ kind of thing but at the same time it feels soothing. It’s hard to explain but you’ll know once you find them.” Kyungsoo explains while he smiles widely. It's obvious when he talks, he's also thinking about his soulmate and that makes Sehun unconsciously smiles too.

“Where did you meet him?” he asks again, genuinely happy and curious at the same time.

“It was so random. I was in a convenience store when I bumped into this man with droopy eyes and a cute button nose that I’d like to tap every second. When he turned around to apologize, he suddenly smiled widely at me.” Kyungsoo sighs dreamily. Sehun cringes a little bit but he stays quiet and keeps nodding instead, letting Kyungsoo finish. 

“And then he held out his hand, and said _‘Hey, I’ve been waiting for you’_ with that melodic voice of his, I knew instantly at that moment that he really is my soulmate.” Kyungsoo grins, finishing his story.

“So is he someone from our campus?” Sehun can’t help but to ask.

“Yeah he is. Although he's a little bit noisy to my liking but for some reason I don't mind hearing him talking all the time." 

"You got it so bad, huh?" Sehun teases Kyungsoo. It is really rare to see Kyungsoo being this soft, so of course he can’t miss this opportunity.

"Well I mean, it's my soulmate of course I'll get it bad." Kyungsoo answers, unaware of Sehun teasing him.

They fall into a comfortable silence afterwards. Sehun feels a little bit bummed over the fact that Kyungsoo looks so happy finding his soulmate. It makes him wonder if the slight burn he felt the other day is also a sign of him finding his soulmate but why isn't his soulmark soothing like Kyungsoo’s did?

"You don't look happy with me finding my soulmate?" Kyungsoo says after observing Sehun's reaction. He feels like Sehun got something on his mind instead.

"Huh, no, no. I'm happy, of course. It just makes me wonder, do people who find their soulmate get the same sensation?" He lets out his concern to Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo is confused at first but he can't help but think about it too. "I think so? I heard some people experiencing the same thing as I did when they met their soulmate. So I guess, it's all the same?"

Sehun hums. "Is that so?"

"What's with the question though?" Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows.

"Ah, no. I'm just wondering, what if someone felt a sting or pain instead of the cool and soothing sensation like you did?" Sehun intently stares at Kyungsoo as if Kyungsoo has the answer to his question.

"I'm not sure but I think I've read somewhere that when you feel a sting or pain when you meet your soulmate, then that means your soulmate rejected you." Kyungsoo says.

Hearing the words coming out of Kyungsoo’s lips makes something inside Sehun stirs. _There's no way._ He thought. He doesn't get why his soulmate rejected him when they haven’t met yet. Or have they?

Then suddenly, it clicked. Sehun feels like things are slowly makes more sense now. He is so immersed in Kyungsoo’s story of how he met his soulmate that Sehun forgot about the things that has been bothering him before he comes to meet Kyungsoo. He forgets about how Chanyeol suddenly draw the line between them, how he also said that he’s not into relationships or any kind of commitment.

It clicked to him why he felt a sting the first night he met Chanyeol. It is indeed his soulmark appearing and showing him signs that his soulmate already rejected him from the beginning. But it makes him think even more, if Chanyeol really is his soulmate and he rejected him, why would he even bother to approach him in the first place? Why act friendly with him if he’s just going to hurt him in the end? Sehun can’t find an explanation about this.

"But what's with the question though?" Kyungsoo's question pulls him out of his thoughts. "Did you meet your soulmate?" he adds.

"Well, I'm not sure if I've met them or if the person I had in mind is my soulmate but I feel like I got my soulmark the other night and it stings." Sehun's voice gets smaller as he speaks. Kyungsoo gives him a sad look, as if pitying him. And Sehun _hates_ it.

"Don't give me that look." Sehun eventually says, while he averts his eyes down to his twirling fingers under the desk. Sehun’s whole demeanor changes, as if he wanted to hide himself. Suddenly feeling small.

"Sehun.." Kyungsoo starts. He moves his body forward, wanting to reach out to Sehun to give him comfort although he can’t do it because Sehun is sitting further from him, already closing off himself. So Kyungsoo just continues, “Hey, it’s okay. I know it hurts, but these days there are a lot of people that aren’t together with their soulmate. It’s a common thing now, so it’s okay. I know you’re gonna be okay, hmm?”

As much as Sehun understands that Kyungsoo is trying to comfort him, Sehun can’t help but to feel down over it. It blows his self esteem, just how unlovable he is that his soulmate is even rejecting him before they met?

“I know, but..” Sehun lets out a deep sigh. “You know how I’ve been waiting for a soulmate all my life. I didn’t even want to be in a relationship before I meet them, but now that I have, they rejects me even before we get to know each other. I mean, what did I do wrong, Kyungsoo? Am I really that hard to be loved that they didn’t even bother to get to know me first?” Sehun brushes his face, trying to hold back his tears.

“Hun-ah, no. It’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for something you don’t know about. You’re not in the wrong here, if anything it’s them that have a problem.” Kyungsoo tries to console him.

Sehun doesn’t know how to reach so he just nodded, trying to assure Kyungsoo that he’s okay. _Well, he's not._

“Sorry I bring down your mood. We should’ve celebrated you meeting your soulmate, not mulling over mine.” he apologetically smiles at Kyungsoo.

“Hey, no it’s okay. You know you can always come to me anytime, right? Don’t hesitate to reach out to me whenever you want to, okay?” 

“Okay.” Sehun answers. Having this conversation somehow drains him.

They fall into another comfortable silence after that, with Sehun falling back to his thoughts while Kyungsoo occasionally glances at Sehun to check on him. He can’t help but wonder just who Sehun’s soulmate is, and what the hell is wrong with them that they don’t want to be with their soulmate.

“I’m curious though, Hun. You don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable, but have you ever encountered them?” Kyungsoo can’t help but ask eventually.

Hearing Kyungsoo's question making Sehun sighs. “If I tell you everything, promise me you’re not gonna smack me in the head?” Sehun asks just to be sure.

“Why would I??? Is your soulmate someone I know?" Kyungsoo asks, suddenly feeling fired up.

“I guess, so? Like, you know who he is but not personally, I guess?” Sehun can’t tell Kyungsoo blatantly.

“Huh? Okay tell me, then.”

So Sehun tell Kyungsoo everything from the start. He tell Kyungsoo how he reached out to Chanyeol asking about their assignment and how even after Sehun didn’t need his help anymore they’d still hang out either just to have a simple lunch or dinner, sometimes having movie nights, or on another times they just simply spend their day together doing nothing but telling each other’s stories.

Everything is so easy when it comes to Chanyeol. 

They easily fall into a conversation despite Sehun’s habit of being quiet. Chanyeol manages to pull out Sehun’s loud side whenever they’re playing games or arguing over some stupid useless facts Sehun knows. But beside that, Chanyeol is also able to understand whenever Sehun is having one of those days and feels down. He then would try as much as he could to entertain Sehun. Like buying him food, his favorite chocolate bubble tea or just simply sitting beside Sehun (while he was deep in his thoughts) as if to let Sehun know that he’s there whenever Sehun needed him. 

Chanyeol gives him a sense of security that he never received from anyone before. And that fact alone is the reason why falling for Chanyeol is so easy.

Sehun feels so drained after he tells Kyungsoo everything. The more he tries to think back to his interaction with Chanyeol, the emptier he got as the realization was slowly coming in. The realization of Chanyeol is actually his soulmate, and he rejected him for whatever reason it is.

“Hey.” Kyungsoo finally moves his chair beside Sehun in order for him to comfort Sehun properly.

  
“Talk it out with him, okay? I know it won’t be easy but try to confront him about it. It might hurt but at least you will get some explanation you deserve.” Kyungsoo then reaches out to hug him from the side, giving him some pats too as he couldn’t bear seeing Sehun sad. It’s actually rare for Kyungsoo to initiate skinship but for this time, Sehun is grateful that he did because he really needed it.


	5. Chapter 5

☘

**_“I'd never ask you cause deep down_ **

**_I'm certain I know what you'd say_ **

**_You'd say I'm sorry believe me_ **

**_I love you but not in that way”_ **

**_(Not In That Way - Sam Smith)_ **

Sehun always hates the night. Because somehow, his thoughts seem to be louder at night. He’s been tossing and turning on his bed for hours but sleep seems to be refusing to visit him any sooner. Blasting off his playlist can’t even help him like usual. If anything, it feels like the songs are mocking him and his thoughts. “Ugh fuck this..” Giving up trying to sleep, he stares at the ceiling of his room, and lets out a heavy sigh. All these thoughts about soulmate are killing him. As if his conversation with Kyungsoo the other day wasn't enough to drive him crazy, he was triggered by something he heard on TV this afternoon. He isn’t even sure what the topic was about but the moment he heard the word  _ soulmate _ , it was as if something in him switched and he couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since. 

The talk with Kyungsoo feels like an eye opening for Sehun. He finally realizes how all of the signs were there from the beginning yet he either didn’t understand it or too dense to get all of the signs. From the first time he got his soulmark, and why it hurts when it appeared. He should’ve known that it was a sign of rejection. 

Despite him and Chanyeol spending their time together and the attention he got, somehow Chanyeol still drew some lines between them. He never really talks anything about himself, always seems like doting on Sehun more than opening about himself. Sehun should’ve realized how Chanyeol, for some reason, always avoided or diverted their talk whenever Sehun asked about something personal.

Moreover, Sehun should’ve not ignored the pain he felt on his wrist after the last talk he had with Chanyeol. He thought it was just his wrist acting up, or if he hurt himself somewhere. The talk with Kyungsoo made him realize that it is aching because he’s indirectly rejected. Although it makes him wonder why he never felt the pain before, especially whenever he’s with Chanyeol.

Giving up on trying to get some sleep, he decides to go look for an answer. Although he doesn’t expect to find much on Google but he can at least hope it’d give him something to hold on to. He feels like a dumb kid looking up _“Why do I feel pain on my soulmark when it was fine before?”_ on Google but that is just how desperate he is.

Most of the results are telling him the same thing Kyungsoo had said, so he keeps scrolling through the articles until he finds one that gives more explanation.

**_“You know the whole concept of soulmate is literally finding your other half, like finding a missing puzzle piece. And when you find them, it’s like your life suddenly completed. And somehow that affects everything in your life, like your behaviour, your habits, your likes and dislikes. It all blended with your soulmate in order to make two people become one. And it’s not only an emotional connection but a physical connection too. When you’re with your soulmate, your body reacts differently. It becomes calm because your soulmate should be giving you a sense of comfort. So no matter how you feel, whenever your soulmate is around, you’d feel better._ **

**_These days, youngsters tend to not go with what’s given from the universe. Because although soulmates should love each other, some of them can’t seem to go with it. It’s not a rare thing to hear some of them saying that the soulmate concept is somehow forcing. It’s either because they already found their ‘chosen’ partner, or they have too many differences with their soulmate, or it could also be because they have something going on with themselves (referring to their mental health). Eventhough it might physically hurt, some of them would still go with their own choice and deny their connection with their soulmate._ **

**_In some cases, there are some people who still try to get to know their soulmate in case they change their mind. But if not, they’d feel the pain after they rejected their soulmate. Although usually, it is the one who’s being rejected that feels more pain rather than the one who’s rejecting.”_ **

Sehun stops reading after that particular sentence. It makes more sense now why he never felt pain before. It’s because Chanyeol is ‘trying’ to accept him, and his body is reacting to it positively. But when Chanyeol indirectly rejected him, he started to feel pain.

Sighing, he leans back to his chair while trying to process everything. Even up until now, he can feel his soulmark throbbing but he’s trying to ignore it. He zoned out, trying to process everything while unconsciously rubbing his fingers over his wrist to ease the pain.

His phone suddenly vibrates, indicating that he just got a new message. He sees Jongin’s name on the screen and clicks it.

_ From: Sleepyhead _

_ “Hey, haven’t heard anything from you lately.” _

Sehun feels guilty after he reads it. He realizes when he started intensely communicating with Chanyeol, he somehow drifted apart from Jongin. It was like perfect timing because around the time, Jongin was also busy with his projects and assignments. Although they still spend some time together, it was always cut short because Jongin is either too tired or has to go to other group meetings for his projects.

_ To: Sleepyhead _

_ “Hey. I’m okay. Are you done with your assignments? Let’s meet up sometime next week!” _

He sure has a lot of things to tell Jongin later on.

After he receives an  _ okay _ from Jongin, he decides to call it a night and attempt to fall asleep again. He settles on his bed again and tries to find a comfortable position but something is still nagging at the back of his mind. It’s annoying how his brain won’t let him rest when he is already so (emotionally) drained. He doesn’t know where his brain gets the idea of reaching out to Chanyeol first is a good one, but he thinks it won’t hurt to try. He remembers Kyungsoo told him to talk it out with Chanyeol so he thinks this is the time for him to do it.

_ To: Chanyeolie Hyung _

_ “Hey, hyung. You okay?”  _

_Send._ He’s itching to add,  _ are we okay? _ But decides not to as it’d make him sound desperate. Besides, he doesn’t want to confuse Chanyeol with the sudden question. He fell asleep waiting for the reply. Although even the next morning he still doesn’t get any reply. But he sees the mocking  _ read _ sign beside his bubble chat. 

* * *

It is 2 days later that Sehun finally got some words from Chanyeol. 

_ From: Chanyeolie Hyung _

_ “Hey, yeah I’m okay. I’ll drop by later.” _

It’s so curt and for some reason it makes Sehun nervous. Call it a premonition or not but he feels like something is going to happen later. He tries not to think about it the whole day but fails miserably. Even Kyungsoo notices something was off with him when he keeps zoning out at class, and at some point he even tripped over his own legs. 

Back at home, he waits restlessly. Knowing that doing anything at this time won’t help anything, he decides to just sit on his sofa while letting his TV play in the background.

He doesn’t know how long he has been spacing out, but the loud sound from his TV pulls him out of his state. He glances at the time, and realizes it’s nearing 11 pm. He checks his phone and sees that there is no sign of Chanyeol contacting him or even coming over, so he starts to clean himself up and prepares for bed.  _ Not the day, I guess _ . He sighs.

He is about to turn off his living room lamps and head to his bedroom when the doorbell rings. Sehun halts his steps. His body suddenly refuses to move as his breath hitching and heart skips a beat. He’s too nervous to open the door for whatever reason he could think of.

The doorbell rings again. He knows he has to face him sooner or later so he takes a deep breath and starts to head towards the door. He peeks through the peephole just to make sure that it is really Chanyeol who comes. Deep down, he knows it’s just a reason for him delaying the inevitable.

Sehun opens the door slowly, out of instinct he bow his head down as if he is too scared to face Chanyeol. When Sehun finally dares himself to see Chanyeol, he sees Chanyeol has this certain smile on his face. A kind of apologetic smile. Seeing Chanyeol’s expression, Sehun feels even bitter.

“Hey, hyung. Come in!” Sehun says, feeling awkward all of a sudden. Sehun feels like they’re back into square one. 

“Hey, sorry I came too late.” Chanyeol apologizes, equally awkward while he rubs his nape. A sign of him being nervous. Chanyeol then just stands around as if it is his first time coming to Sehun’s apartment. Seeing how hesitant Chanyeol is, Sehun then guides him to his living room. The usual place for them to hang around. 

They sit there in silence for a couple minutes. Sehun is too afraid to break the silence as he looks over at Chanyeol’s direction and sees how deep in thoughts he is. But he can’t stand the silence anymore, so he clears his throat, braving himself to start the conversation.

“How are you, hyung?” Sehun asks, fiddling with his fingers to ease his nervousness.

Chanyeol looks confused at first when he hears Sehun’s question. As if he forget he isn’t the only one in this room. He pulls himself together before he answers Sehun’s question. “I’m good. Been juggling here and there, I’m just managing I guess.” He answers.

Sehun hums at his answer. They’re back into silence, until Chanyeol asks Sehun back. “Wha-what about you? How are you doing?” 

“I’m good. Just dealing with some assignments and everything. You know the drill.” Sehun replies.

More silence.

Sehun doesn’t know how they become like this. They were doing just fine on the last day they spent together, so why are they feeling awkward to each other like this. They usually never run out of topics to talk about, but somehow the atmosphere has changed. It is as if Chanyeol knows Sehun finally found out that they are soulmates. 

Usually Sehun won’t mind the silence but this time it is making him nervous that he keeps thinking about a topic to talk about so they won’t fall into this stillness. He swears the only sound he can hear is the ticking sounds from the clock. And it feels like its mocking him. 

“Do you want something to drink, hyung?” Sehun starts moving towards his refrigerator without actually waiting for Chanyeol’s answer. He takes this chance to escape from the living room and breaths for a while. 

He acts as if he’s rummaging through his cold storage when there’s barely anything inside it. He hears rustles from behind him and thinks that Chanyeol might see through him so he takes a water bottle on his side and comes back to the sofa. Wordlessly passing the water bottle to Chanyeol.

Sehun then settles back on his side of the couch, now waiting for Chanyeol to say something. He gives up trying to find a topic. If Chanyeol wants to speak then he’ll gladly indulge him, and if not then they’re just gonna spend the night with this never ending silence between them.

“I’m sorry I didn’t contact you for weeks though. Work really swamped me and I didn’t even get to rest.” Chanyeol finally says something. Now that he said it, Sehun notices how Chanyeol now has dark circles under his eyes and his face also shows how tired he is.

“You should take a proper rest, hyung, instead of coming here.” Sehun kind of feels guilty.

“Nah, it’s okay. I feel bad for not contacting you.” Chanyeol admits.

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond so he just stays silent. He‘s itching to ask Chanyeol about their whole situation. Whether he’s aware or not that the both of them are soulmates, and why he rejects him (if what the articles & Kyungsoo said about painful soulmark is true). He tries to read the mood but decides to just go with it. He needs answers, and he knows tonight is the night he’s going to get it.

“Hyung, have you ever thought about the future?” Sehun starts asking with a simple question.

Chanyeol is confused at first as he doesn’t expect Sehun to ask this question out of nowhere. He ponders over it first before he answers Sehun’s question, “Yeah, of course I have. What’s with the question tho?” 

For a moment it feels like they’re back to their old times, talking about some random things that come to their mind. Chanyeol thinks Sehun must be having one of those days, so he’s just going to indulge with his questions. 

“Nah. I'm just wondering.” Sehun says while he stares into space. He is aware Chanyeol is staring at him as he knows Sehun still has more things to say.

“How do you imagine it though, hyung? Say if I ask you, what will you be 10 years from now, how do you imagine yourself?” Sehun asks. It might sound cliche but whatever Chanyeol’s answer is, it can help Sehun determine his next move.

“Well, if you say 10 years from now I’d say I’d be living somewhere in Japan. Like in a small suburb area with a clear air surrounded with mountains, and clear water you can actually see yourself in the reflection. I’m probably going to open a small bakery shop or a small cafe, living with my dogs. You know, the perfect image of peaceful life.” Chanyeol finishes.

Hearing his answer, Sehun realizes he doesn’t mention anything about living with someone or even mentioning something related to marriage.

“10 years from now, aren’t you going to be 33 years old though, hyung? Won’t you be married at that age?” Sehun tries to touch the topic.

Sehun catches some signs of uneasiness from Chanyeol. He stays silent for a couple minutes and looks over at Sehun. Meanwhile Sehun, he just keeps staring at Chanyeol intensely.

“I mean if I found someone who I might be able to spend my life with somewhere between those years then I guess I wouldn’t mind?” Chanyeol sounds unsure. “But it wouldn’t matter that much. Whether I found someone or not, I’d still want to have that kind of life.”

“Hmm. I see.” Sehun then drops his head down. Suddenly feeling defeated, although he still needs to get some answers.

“Do you perhaps believe in soulmates, hyung?” Sehun continues.

Chanyeol turns his head to Sehun slowly, trying to process the words Sehun just said. They stare at each other for a while, as if they’re reading each other’s mind.

Chanyeol then inhales deep and rubs his face, looking even more tired than he already is.

“I do.” He answers at last. “Sehun-ah. What are you trying to get here?” Chanyeol finally asks him.  _ He knows. _ Sehun thought.  _ He knows about us being soulmates. _

“Do you imagine yourself 10 years later with your soulmate?” Sehun then asks again, ignoring Chanyeol’s last question. “Be honest with me.” He adds.

“I—“ Chanyeol sighs, unsure how to answer it. “I don’t know.” He answers honestly. Something in Sehun stirs but he tries to wait for Chanyeol’s explanation patiently.

“I told you that being committed wasn’t easy, didn’t I?” Chanyeol begins. He glances at Sehun when Sehun hums in reply.

“I can’t imagine myself being committed to someone for a long time, and I don’t think I'll be able to even with soulmates. I know it sounds cliche but it’s not just a matter of me wanting to be a free man or going against nature's rule, no. It was more than that.” He exhales slowly.

“I’ve tried to get in a relationship, but after the first months I lose interest in them. I either get bored or I get annoyed with something.” Chanyeol starts to tell him more. Sehun wants to tell him if he doesn’t want to talk about it then he doesn’t have to force himself but for once, Sehun doesn’t want to be the bigger hearted man. He wants to be selfish, just for this once.

“There were some relationships that lasted for long, but it also doesn’t work because my inferiority and insecurities are killing me. I couldn’t stop thinking what if one day they wake up and think  _ ‘Oh he’s so boring’ _ or  _ ‘he’s not worth it’ _ and then they’ll ditch me after. What if I wasn’t enough for them or if they’re being with me just for the sake of it. There are more darker thoughts I couldn’t say but don’t you get it? I’m so toxic for myself that I keep doubting myself with the people around me. And it was the fact that I was too engrossed in those thoughts that it actually drove them away from me. It was just something in me that I need to work on.” Chanyeol rubs his face looking drained after he tells Sehun how he actually feels. “I tried, Sehun. Believe me, I did. But it just doesn’t work for me.” His voice muffled, as puts his head in between his arms.

Sehun stays silent after he hears it. He doesn’t know what to feel. On one side, he is angry with the situation he is in. And on the other side, he feels sorry for Chanyeol for feeling like this. But for the most part, he is sad because he can’t do anything about it. He knows he has lost his soulmate from the first time they met.

“But--” Sehun gulps down his saliva. He is suddenly too nervous to let out his question. “But what if you found your soulmate?” 

It is as if Sehun just clicks a pause button on the time because the room is suddenly so still, not even a sound of breath could be heard as both of them hold their breaths for two different reasons. Sehun is too afraid to hear Chanyeol’s answer. While Chanyeol holds his breath because he isn’t expecting they’d come to this conversation.

“Sehun-ah..” Chanyeol slowly lifts his head from his previous position and looks at Sehun. “I’m so sorry.” He begins.

“You knew.” Sehun smiles bitterly.

“I did, yeah.” Chanyeol dejectedly admits. “I knew from the first time I saw you. Maybe even way before that. I got my soulmark one or two weeks prior to the music festival, the day we met. And I realized my soulmate was near. I didn’t know he was that near.” Chanyeol sadly looks at Sehun.

“So when I got the sting, you knew it was my soulmark appearing?” Sehun remembers that day as clear as day.

“Yeah, I realized it was you. My soulmate.”

Sehun feels a pang in his heart when he hears the words  _ My Soulmate  _ coming out of Chanyeol’s mouth. How ironic, he says it very sweetly yet he doesn’t even feel anything to Sehun.

“Then why—“ Sehun feels like his throat is suffocating. “Why did you approach me if you knew you can’t accept me?”

“I was-- I was curious.” Chanyeol says while he stares at his own reflection on the blank screen of Sehun’s TV. “I feel the attraction. I don’t know if it’s because of the soulmate pull thingy or just me being purely curious but I feel the need to get closer to you.” 

He sighs before he continues, "When I saw you that day, standing under the sunlight with your soft pink hair, something in my mind found you so cute despite you having this visible annoyed expression even from far away.” Chanyeol glances at Sehun’s hair when he mentions it, then moves to look at Sehun’s expression and gives Sehun a sad smile. Sehun can tell that he’s feeling guilty.

“After I saw you interacting with Jongin that day, I felt jealous. For whatever reason, I want to put myself in Jongin’s shoes so I could see how you really are. I want you to be loud around me, like you did with Jongin. I want you to get comfortable with me. I want you to depend on me like you were with Jongin. Hell, I even want to hear you whined at me like how you always did whenever Jongin was around.” Chanyeol lets out a deep sigh. “I want to get close to you, even closer than how you are with Jongin.”

“But we did get closer, hyung. So what changed?” At this point Sehun really doesn’t know what to feel anymore. He wants to get angry, shouting out the stress in his system. He wants to cry it out too, just how unfair the world is to him. He is a mess inside but he tries not to show it. He _hates_ looking pathetic.

“We did, yes! But then our talk the last time scares me because I realize that I couldn’t give you the fairytale kind of happiness. The more I let you know my opinions about relationships, the more I realize I’m not meant to be with someone so lovable like you. I know if I committed myself to you, I won’t be able to give myself wholly to you because I’d always be doubting myself. And it’s not fair for you, Sehun-ah. I don’t want to be the person who hurts you.”

“But you did, hyung. You hurt me.” Sehun’s voice grows smaller as he speaks.

Chanyeol stares at Sehun, guilts visible from his eyes. “I know. And I’m really, really sorry for hurting you like this. But Hun-ah, if we keep going like this, I’d be hurting you more than I already am. Just like I said, it won’t be fair for you to be fully invested in our relationship when all I do is doubting myself or even doubting your intention because my mind is too toxic to be in a relationship.”

Chanyeol feels like he has run out of words, it is hard to put how he exactly feels in words. He wants Sehun to understand that it isn’t his fault. It’s entirely Chanyeol’s fault. He hates hurting Sehun like this when he knows Sehun deserves nothing but a sweet loving relationship with his supposed soulmate.

“In order for me to properly love you, I need to fix myself first, Sehun-ah.” Chanyeol then adds, voice cracking at the end.

Sehun, not knowing what to do, moves to sit next to Chanyeol and put his arms around him. He then tucks Chanyeol under his chin, trying to console him. Or more like console both him and Chanyeol’s pain, for a whole different reason. He, for some reason, knows this is going to be their last encounter so Sehun lets himself go with his instinct. He hugs Chanyeol tightly while Chanyeol reciprocates his action, and hugs him back. They stay like that for a couple minutes, letting their emotions flow.

“I’m sorry you got a malfunctioning soulmate like me.” Chanyeol says after a couple of minutes they stay silent. "I'm sorry that it's hurting you."

When they part ways later that night, both of them are having heavy feelings around them. Too many apologies left unsaid, too many what ifs left unanswered, too many regrets growing inside them. But they both know, it’s the best way for them now to keep their distance before things get uglier. Chanyeol hugs Sehun tightly before they say goodbye, whispering a short “Please be happy” before he leaves. He leaves along with a half part of Sehun’s heart with him.

* * *

Sehun completely forgets about his appointment with Jongin which happens 2 days after his talk with Chanyeol. It is after Jongin calls his phone endlessly that Sehun finally checks his phone after abandoning it for 2 days. 

“I’m at your door.” Jongin curtly said when Sehun finally picks up his phone.

Sehun haggardly walks to the front door to let Jongin in. He then drops his whole body to his living room sofa, still having no energy to do something.

“What the hell happened, Sehun-ah?” Jongin is so confused when he looks at how messy Sehun’s apartment is. Empty snack wraps and dirty clothes are scattered everywhere. The whole room reeks of alcohol and Jongin can even see some empty soju bottles around the coffee table. When he approaches Sehun, the man stinks not only from the alcohol but Jongin believes it’s also because he hasn’t bathed himself for days.

“Dude, you stink. God! Go take a shower, please. I still need my nose to breath.” He lightly kicks Sehun when Jongin sees he’s still unmoving.

“God you’re so noisy, Jongin-ah. Shut up, my head is still pounding and you’re not helping.” Sehun's voice muffles as his face is buried in his sofa. 

Jongin can’t stand the smells anymore, forces himself to pull Sehun up (while he hold his breath) and navigates Sehun’s body to his bathroom.

“Go take a cold shower then, it could help you sober up, okay?!” Jongin tries to persuade Sehun, already sounds pleading at this point.

“Mmkay.” Sehun slurs.

Jongin then leaves him at his toilet seat so he won’t have to wander around the bathroom that much, as the toilet seat is close to his shower head. While waiting for Sehun to clean himself up, Jongin cleans Sehun’s living room like throwing the trashes away, putting his clothes into the laundry room and even scrubbing his dirty dishes. Jongin is sure he spends almost an hour cleaning the whole room but he sees Sehun is still not done yet. So he goes to his bedroom (while also checking if anything needs to be cleaned up too) and proceeds to the bathroom. He knocks just to make sure Sehun is alive, when he hears a hum after the third knock, he goes back to the living room to wait for Sehun.

A couple minutes later, Sehun emerges from his bedroom while trying to dry his damp hair. If Jongin could describe how Sehun looks right now, he looks  **miserable** . Dark circles under his eyes, face pale as if he doesn’t get any sunlight for months. But what breaks Jongin the most is his eyes. It looks so broken, like he just lost something important in his life (which he did).

“Wow! I didn’t know you can clean things up.” Sehun sarcastically says. Although Jongin can feel that his tone is different. It doesn’t sound mischievous like it used to.

“Shut it. I’m trying to help here. You look so miserable.” Jongin answers, making Sehun change his expression into a flat one.

Sehun takes a seat near Jongin and doesn't say anything. 

“What actually happened, Hun-ah?” Jongin reaches his hand out to hold Sehun’s.

“I met my soulmate.” Sehun starts. He then glances at Jongin, trying to look for any reaction that might come out of Jongin’s face. What he sees from Jongin’s expression is only curiosity, so he continues to tell him. “It’s Chanyeol hyung.” He holds his breath after he reveals it.

He watches how Jongin’s expression changes from anticipating to a blank one. Sehun notices how Jongin let out a sigh and sits closer next to him (as if they aren’t already sitting so close to each other).

“Why don't you seem surprised?” Sehun asks while he puts his head on Jongin’s shoulder. Seeking for any form of comfort.

“To be honest with you, I kind of found out. And hyung told me not long ago too.” Jongin admits.

“H-how?”

“It’s pretty obvious, silly.” Jongin said while he flicks Sehun’s forehead carefully. “Chanyeol hyung asked me some things about you and I thought it was because he was interested in you. And it didn’t feel strange because hyung sometimes does that, randomly asking about someone to me. What did feel strange is how you suddenly ask about things related to hyung too when you usually didn’t even care about anything around you.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond. It seems too hard to process the information he gets these days as his mind is already full with a lot of things. He doesn’t even realize he’s being quiet until he feels Jongin’s thumb stroking his knuckles as he is still holding on Sehun’s hand, an act of consolation.

“Did you know hyung came here two days ago? He explained to me about everything.” Sehun then tells Jongin after being silent for a straight 5 minutes.

Jongin hums, giving Sehun a chance to tell him what he wants to say.

“He said he couldn’t love me because he couldn’t love himself. And that it’d be unfair for me if we got together because then it’d be only me who’s invented in the relationship. I feel like--” Sehun takes a breath for a moment, as he feels overwhelmed. “I feel like he doesn’t want to try, Jongin. It feels like he is too afraid to dip his feet in the river because he assumed it’d be cold when in reality it could have been warm too. You get what I mean?” Sehun continues. 

Jongin can only nod because he knows Sehun is letting out his frustration.

“I wouldn’t mind, Jongin. I wouldn’t mind to try and see. I mean we’re soulmates for God’s sake, of course we’ll find a way. We are meant to complete each other.” Sehun finally says what’s been bothering him since that night. 

“And if it really doesn't work, at least I’d experience it myself if we really couldn’t work. I’d accept it entirely even though it’s gonna hurt but then I’ll try to move on. But at least we try, Jongin. We give effort to each other, that’s the only thing that I’m asking for. But the way he said things that night, it’s like he wants to close our unbegun chapter. Like you opened a book and the first thing you see is the word ‘the end’.” 

Some people say being broken hearted has some phases to it. First, they will feel sad because it ended. Second, they will feel anger the more they think about their situation because they’re gonna feel unfair over the whole thing. Third phase would be the calm before the storm phase, as in they’d feel numb because their emotions have been drained from the first two stages. They’d feel like they don’t have the will to keep going because they’ve just lost something important in their life. They might face some breakdowns along the way too, and this phase is the longest phase they would experience before they move to the next phase. 

The next phase is, after they are done moping around, somehow either they find a hope that could encourage them to stop being miserable or they just simply learn how to accept it. They'll slowly try to get back on their feet, try to get back to their normal life although it won’t be easy. When they have already managed to deal with their heart break then they’d come to the last and final phase and that is moving on. It’s a long agonizing process but they’ll eventually reach there. They’ll eventually let go of their painful past.

Jongin is fully aware of these phases, being a kid with two sisters who had experience of breaking up from a long term relationship, he knows that Sehun is currently having the ‘angry phase’ where he thinks everything is unfair for him. He wants to blame everything to Chanyeol, or to the universe for making the whole soulmate concept exist in this world. But Jongin is also aware that Sehun will eventually learn how to deal with it. Although painful (mentally and physically), he believes Sehun can pass through this. And Jongin promised to himself that he’ll always be there for Sehun from now on.

Sehun’s sniffles bring Jongin back to their current situation. “It’s unfair, Jongin-ah. Why did he have to approach me if he knew he’s just gonna hurt me at the end? Why did I so foolishly get closer to him just because of that damn assignment? Why is the universe so cruel to me that they gave me someone who can’t even love me?” He finally gives in and lets out his tears. He cries, wetting Jongin’s clothes with his tears.

Jongin knows that any words can’t help to ease Sehun’s pain so he just sits there and hugs Sehun. He circles his hands tightly around Sehun’s body, giving him small pats to calm him down.

“It’s okay, you got me, Sehun-ah.” He said in between. “You’ll always have me.” Jongin whispers slowly and hugs Sehun tighter.


	6. Chapter 6

**_☘_ **

**_“And maybe in another life_ **

**_We fight all day, kiss all night_ **

**_But I don't wanna break your heart_ **

**_You keep yours, I'll keep mine”_ **

**_(Lose - Niki)_ **

_ Two years later. _

Sehun sips on his cold beer, waiting for Jongin to come and get him out of this place. As much as he loves Kyungsoo and his soulmate,  _ Baekhyun _ , he can’t bear seeing them being lovey dovey in front of his eyes. Although it’s more looking like Baekhyun is asking for a death mission as he keeps trying to kiss Kyungsoo’s cheek just to annoy him and always ends up getting slaps on his-Baekhyun’s-face.

* * *

Sehun remembered the day when he finally met Kyungsoo’s soulmate. Only to find out that it was Baekhyun, aka Chanyeol’s best friend.  _ Just how small this world is,  _ he thought. Baekhyun was also surprised when he finally met Sehun, ‘the abandoned soulmate’ as Baekhyun likes to call him. Although he doesn’t feel that much anymore, sometimes it’d still give him a sting (in both his heart and his wrist) whenever he heard the nickname. 

Kyungsoo had to keep reminding Baekhyun’s foul mouth not to call him that nickname as he knew it’d bring pain to Sehun. By reminding here, literally him slapping Baekhyun’s mouth, or kicking his leg, or sometimes pinch Baekhyun’s side so he’ll shut up.

But despite all that, Sehun honestly is so thankful for Baekhyun because if it’s not because of him then he’d be still mulling over Chanyeol and his rejection. Their first encounter was actually Kyungsoo’s attempt to entertain Sehun. He brought him out and introduced him to Baekhyun, for whatever reason Sehun could think of. Either it was the fact that Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s best friend and he could help Sehun get the closure he asked for, or was it because the guy himself is a comedian because he managed to make Sehun laugh that night after being so copped out in his room for weeks.

But that night, he got the answers of his unanswered questions. Baekhyun explained to him that Chanyeol had always had problems dealing with his feelings. When he was a kid, his parents split up despite the both of them being soulmates. His parents were the example of two people forced to be together just because they’re obliged to. They tried to hold on to each other for years thinking that maybe they’ll learn to love each other as the time passed. But when Chanyeol was 5 years old, his father couldn’t take it anymore and left them- Chanyeol, his mom and his sister.

Chanyeol didn’t realize that with his father going away all of a sudden would leave him some traumas. The fear of being abandoned somehow grew in him making it hard for him to get closer with people, too afraid that they’d leave him someday just like his father did. And that fear was the root cause of his insecurities. It grew from being abandoned to fear of being forgotten, fear of being not enough for people around him, fear of being ignored. He had it all constantly banging in his head despite him getting enough love from his mom and his sisters.

As if it wasn't enough, when he was in middle school he was bullied because of his appearance that makes his insecurities grow even more. It was hard for Sehun to believe but Baekhyun told him, “Mind you, he was a chubby kid with nerdy glasses on. He was a perfect target for bullying.” and he even showed him Chanyeol’s old photo to prove it.

“He never actually had friends before he met me. Not to be narcissistic but it’s true.” Baekhyun explained to him.

“He was always a loner, too afraid to approach people. Can you believe Chanyeol once was a timid kid?” Baekhyun let out a small laugh while he reminisced about his old memories with Chanyeol. “I was always the loud kid around the school, and when I saw him stared at me from faraway with this glint in his eyes as if telling me he wanted to approach me but he always hesitated. So I did the honor. I approached him first and pestered him for a couple weeks so he wouldn’t get shy around me. And I guess I succeeded.” Baekhyun let out a proud smile making Sehun smile back at him.

“I have watched him change slowly ever since then. He started making conversation with people too, he opens up to the people he’s close with. He’s not so shy anymore, he’s actually a loud one too, you know?” He shook his head as he laughed. “And then puberty hits him. Albeit a little bit too late but he suddenly grew taller and lost his baby fats. To put it simply, he became the school’s eye candy with his sudden change of appearance and it helped him boost his self esteem.” 

Baekhyun then sighed as he continued, “It all went well. Until 2 years ago..” 

He glanced at Sehun, giving him a sad smile. “You see before he met you, probably around 2 or 3 weeks before. He said to me that he  _ feels _ his soulmate was nearing and it scared him. I tried to assure him that it’s okay, he had been doing good all these years so he was going to be fine when the time came. And I thought he listened to me, but then he started avoiding me. I keep wondering why but he said to give him some time, and so I did. And I heard he got close with someone and he seemed happy, so I thought he was fine.”

Sehun was silent the whole time as he listened to everything Baekhyun was going to say.

Baekhyun let out another sigh, “I was so confused when months later he contacted me, voice so weak as if his energy had drained out of his body. He  _ finally  _ explained to me how all those years, when he felt like he was getting better, he still felt like shit on the inside but he never tells me afraid that I might get mad at him and leave him. He tried to suppress it for so long. God, that poor bastard.” Baekhyun brushed his face, looking almost depressed while he told Sehun everything.

“It really pained me because he was truly happy when he’s with you, he said that to me. But he couldn’t fight the monsters eating him from inside. He was back to his old self, too afraid to make a move just because of his fear of losing people. And he couldn’t imagine if someday he’d lose you because believe it or not, you were important to him. Believe me when I said he wanted to try to conquer his fears by being with you.” 

Baekhyun reached out to hold Sehun’s hand, “I know it hurts you, and I know it’s not easy. I’m not saying all this to defend Chanyeol or anything. I’m just trying to make you understand. I know it might sound selfish, and you have the right to be angry with him, but I just want you to understand his condition. And I hope somehow my explanation will give you some closure because I know you’ve been hanged over this whole thing, Kyungsoo told me so.”

“Thank you, hyung. For telling me everything.” Sehun sincerely smiled at Baekhyun. He was right, Sehun needed this. It did feel like he finally got some closure, although he hoped Chanyeol would tell him everything to him directly. But he thought it was probably the best because he didn’t know if he would be able to face Chanyeol without breaking down if he ever did.

“One last thing, hyung. Did Chanyeol hyung ask you to tell me all these?” Sehun couldn’t help but asked.

“No, it’s not. It’s my own doing. Chanyeol would never let me do this if he knows, you know? He’d kill me.” Baekhyun smiled bitterly. “He’d rather let you in the dark and hate him than letting you know how he actually is, in fear of making you pity him. I did it with my own accord because I know you needed to know. It’s for the sake of both of you.” He then smiled innocently, the big boxy smile Kyungsoo once told him of.

* * *

A hand on Sehun’s shoulder makes him jump and takes him out of the sudden flashback. He sees Jongin slipping next to his seat, wearing his black button up with his hair gelled up showing his undercut hairstyle.

“What are you thinking?” Jongin asks after he orders his drink to the nearest waiter.

“Nah. Just thinking about how I first met Baekhyun hyung. He completely fooled me with acting all mature and kind when he’s just another pain in the ass.” Sehun smirks at Jongin, indirectly insulting him too.

“What do you mean  _ another _ pain in the ass? You mean I was one too?” Jongin acts dumbly.

“You know you are.” Sehun nonchalantly said while sipping his beer.

Jongin pretends as if he is about to hit Sehun, making him laugh out loud. “This pain in the ass is the one who pulls  _ your  _ ass out of your pain, tho.” Jongin blurts out. 

Realizing what he just said, Jongin smiles at Sehun apologetically as he knows it’s a sensitive topic for Sehun.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Sehun assures him and holds Jongin’s hand.

It’s crazy how things turn out for both of them. After Sehun was starting to get back to his normal state and stop moping around, Jongin confessed to him that he actually had feelings for Sehun all this time. He thought that he wouldn’t stand a chance when Chanyeol came to the scene, as they were destined to be together. But turned out they didn’t work out so Jongin thought it was his chance to get Sehun. Although he still gives his distance because he doesn’t want to suffocate Sehun after everything that happened, so he won’t mind to wait for another months, or even years.

It is just 4 months ago that he braves himself to finally let Sehun know. Although Sehun is still not ready to be immediately in a relationship, he told Jongin that he also wants to try. He realizes that Jongin has been so patiently waiting for him and always there for him that it makes him melt. To be completely honest, Sehun actually already had some feelings for Jongin before. But then his soulmate came and he immediately forgot about it. So he thought, maybe, giving Jongin a chance now won’t be hurt.

The other reason why Sehun still doesn’t want to make his relationship with Jongin official is because someday Jongin’s soulmate is going to appear and he doesn’t want them to face the same thing as he did. So he tells Jongin that they’ll have an open relationship for now and Sehun will leave it to Jongin’s decision later when he finds his soulmate.

“Sehun-ah, you’re drifting off again.” Jongin calls him out.

“I think the alcohol is getting into me. I’m starting to get emotional now.” Sehun admits.

“Okay, no more alcohol for you then. Do you want to go home now? I think they won’t finish until another hour.” Jongin glances at how Kyungsoo keeps ordering beers for their friends despite Baekhyun already looks like he’s about to pass out any minute.

They are currently at Baekhyun & Kyungsoo small engagement party, although it feels like a gathering instead. The both of them decide to gather their friends at their usual pub near campus, the place where they had their first date. Ironic how Kyungsoo brings his date to a drinking place when his date can’t even handle alcohol that well.

Both Jongin and Sehun think they will finally have to face Chanyeol after 2 years as he is Baekhyun’s best friend, of course he will be here. But to Sehun’s relief, even up until now he still doesn’t see any sign of Chanyeol coming, saving him from the awkward encounter.

“Yeah, let’s go home. I think I’ve had enough tonight.” Sehun then goes to Kyungsoo to let him know that he’s leaving, thanking both him and Baekhyun for inviting them.

“See you on the wedding day, Mr. Groom!” Sehun pats Kyungsoo’s back and is going to get back to his table when he sees Jongin talking to a familiar figure.

_ Chanyeol hyung.  _ Trust Sehun who can immediately recognize him even just from behind.

He stands there unmoving, not knowing what to do. He feels his wrist throbbing again, after so long. The 2 years he spent away from Chanyeol, it only throbs whenever Sehun is thinking about Chanyeol. He thought he’d feel a nonstop pain as their soulmate bond didn't work, but surprisingly it doesn’t hurt that much. So he is kind of surprised when he finally feels the throbbing pain on his wrist again.

Sehun is sure he jinxed himself with thinking he won't be meeting Chanyeol. How can he be so naive when the both of them literally have the same circle of friends, of course they’d encounter each other sooner or later.

He has probably stood there for quite some time, because he sees how Jongin is glancing around as if looking for him. When Jongin finds him, they stare into each other trying to communicate through their eyes.

Clearly, Jongin shouldn’t look at him that long when he is still talking with Chanyeol, because Chanyeol then realizes that Jongin’s focus is on something else and he looks for the cause of Jongin’s lack of focus.

Sehun feels like he is exaggerating but he swears everything seems like moving in slow motion when he locks eyes with Chanyeol. They stare at each other for a couple seconds until Chanyeol lets out a small sad smile towards him making Sehun replies his smile with a similar one.

He knows he can’t escape his situation, Sehun slowly approaches them as he tries to prolong his time.

“Sehun-ah, hey! How are you?” Chanyeol asks him the moment Sehun arrives at their table.

“I— I’m good, hyung. How have you been?” Sehun asks back out of formality.

“I’m okay.” Chanyeol answers. 

_ God, this is so awkward _ . Sehun keeps glancing at Jongin as he is asking for his help, but all Jongin does is twirling his fingers and shaking his legs. A sign of him when he is nervous. Sehun frowns because it is weird to see Jongin being nervous when it should be the other way around.

“Can we talk, Hun-ah? Just for a short while.” Chanyeol then asks him. Out of reflex, Sehun glances at Jongin who is now already looking at him, silently asking for permission. He sees Jongin hesitantly nods at him, so he turns to Chanyeol to give him a nod back, wordlessly answering his question.

When they are outside, Chanyeol immediately asks him without beating the bush. “Are you really okay, Sehun?”

Sehun lets out a sigh before he answers, “I am, hyung. I truly am.” He leaned back to the wall behind him after he answers. Somehow feeling like he needs something to support him to stand.

“That’s good then.” Chanyeol pulls out a cigarette and lit it up.

“Didn’t know you’re a smoker, hyung.” Sehun points out.

“Yeah I just started a year ago, it helps me relieve my stress because of work. I hope you don’t mind?” Chanyeol peeks at Sehun, which Sehun answers by shaking his head.

“Where have you been, hyung?” Sehun finally lets out the question he’s been dying to ask.

“I was—“ Chanyeol seems hesitant to answer. “I was in Japan because I got my placement there.” He takes a drag out of his cigar. 

“The night I came to you.. you know, the last one? I was actually going to tell you about it, but I didn't have the chance to.” He then continues.

“Oh.” is Sehun’s only response. He doesn’t know what to do with this information, it’s already in the past, it won’t change anything.

“I’m really sorry for how things turned out. I wish I wasn’t such a coward, I wish I wasn’t such a cruel asshole to you.” Chanyeol tells Sehun his regrets.

“I wish I could make it up to you, but I guess it’s already too late.” Chanyeol states. 

Sehun is confused at first trying to process what Chanyeol means. He widens his eyes when he finally understands what Chanyeol is trying to say. 

“Hyung..” Sehun hesitantly says. “Hyung, I can’t--” 

“I know.” Chanyeol cuts him off. “I know about you and Jongin and I won’t ruin that because you both deserve to be happy.” Chanyeol sincerely smiles at Sehun. “I’m sorry I came barging into your life again after everything. I know I shouldn’t have done that.” Sehun is too speechless to give any response.

“Keep being happy, okay?” Chanyeol says his last words while he ruffles Sehun’s hair before he heads back to the pub. Sehun stays standing there for God knows how long until Jongin fetches him and takes him home.

* * *

When they arrive at Sehun’s apartment Sehun is still in daze, body moving here and there but eyes looking empty and expressionless. It makes Jongin wonder what happened when he and Chanyeol talk back at the pub. He tries asking Sehun about it in the car but Sehun just shrugs it off and keeps being silent. 

Jongin lets him be as he knows Sehun got something in his mind and he needs some time to think. But as the night gets deeper, Jongin is now getting restless because Sehun is too silent unlike his usual self. Even when they have settled on their bed, Sehun just sits there unmoving, still deep in his thoughts. 

Jongin perfectly knows coaxing him to talk is useless at this moment. So Jongin gets closer to Sehun as he circles his arms around Sehun’s torso, head leaning on Sehun’s shoulder. Their physical contact somehow pulls Sehun back to his senses and reliefs a breath as if he has been holding it for a long time.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun says, making Jongin hold his breath as he thought Sehun is going to say something that could hurt him. 

“I’m sorry I was too caught up in my thoughts.” Sehun then puts his head over Jongin. Both of them once agreed that this position is their favorite cuddling position because weirdly, it gives them comfort. It’s when they are leaning to each other like this, it symbolizes that they are also leaning to each other mentally.

Jongin just hums at Sehun’s apology, suddenly having his own inner battle.

“Don’t say sorry all of a sudden like that anymore. It scares me.” Jongin calmly says. Another thing they agree on when they start their relationship is to be honest with each other. Especially when it’s related to their feelings.

“Huh? Why does it scare you?”

Sehun doesn’t hear anything from Jongin for a couple minutes so Sehun moves a bit to check on him. But Jongin holds him tighter as he prevents Sehun from seeing his face before he says what’s been bothering him.   
  


“Please don’t leave me, Sehun-ah.” He says weakly. “Don’t leave me for him again.” Sehun can hear his voice cracks at the end.

“Jongin-ah.." Sehun is too speechless to responds. "Jongin-ah, I’m so sorry.” Sehun then holds Jongin tighter than he already is.

**_fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> If you make it until the last word, then congrats and thank you! Please let me know what you think! I purposely make it an open ending so I'll leave it to you guys to think what Sehun's apologize could mean hehe *evil smirk*
> 
> P.S: The movie they're watching is You Are The Apple Of My Eye and the quotes are directly taken from one of the main character's dialogue. If you haven't watch the movie yet, please do! It's soooo good, I promise you! ;)
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! :)


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